Somatic Boundaries: Feeling Where You End and Others Begin
In therapy, we talk a lot about boundaries: saying no, setting limits, protecting our energy. But boundaries aren’t only verbal or behavioral; they’re somatic. They live in the body.
Somatic boundaries are the felt sense of where you end and another person begins. They help you know what’s yours — your sensations, emotions, and needs — and what belongs to someone else. When our boundaries are intact, we can stay connected to others without losing ourselves.
When the Body Loses Its Edges
For many people with trauma, chronic stress, or attachment wounds, the body never learned to hold a clear sense of self. Instead, it learned to merge, to shrink, or to brace.
You might notice:
Feeling drained after being around certain people
Absorbing others’ moods and taking responsibility for them
Feeling “flooded” or confused about what you actually feel
Collapsing into people-pleasing or caretaking
Numbing out or dissociating when you try to assert a need
These aren’t “bad habits.” They’re the nervous system’s adaptations to environments where your boundaries weren’t honored or safe to express. Your body learned that attunement to others was safer than attunement to yourself.
Boundaries as a Felt Sense
A somatic boundary isn’t something you think about; it’s something you feel.
It might show up as:
Warmth or tingling close to your skin
A sense of weight or grounding in your feet
The ability to breathe fully when you say no
A gentle inner knowing of your own truth, even in someone else’s presence
In somatic therapy, we practice tracking these sensations. Rather than mentally deciding what your boundary “should” be, you notice what your body says when you get close to your edge. Often, the boundary shows up as subtle tension, a shallow breath, or an impulse to lean away. When you learn to listen, your body begins to guide you toward safety and authenticity.
Reclaiming the Space You Occupy
Building somatic boundaries is not about creating walls; it’s about reclaiming space inside your own skin.
You can begin gently:
Pause before responding. Notice what happens in your body when someone makes a request of you.
Locate yourself. Feel your feet, your breath, your posture. Ask, “Where am I right now?”
Experiment with proximity. In relationships, notice when you feel pulled in too close or pushed too far. Adjust your distance, even subtly.
Use imagery. Some people find it helpful to imagine a soft light or energetic field around them, not to block others out but to remind themselves where they are.
Over time, your body begins to remember that it belongs to you. And from that place of inner clarity, boundaries don’t have to be harsh or defended. They become natural expressions of truth.
Why Somatic Boundaries Matter for Healing
When we restore somatic boundaries, we restore choice.
We can sense when to engage and when to step back.
We can stay present in relationships without disappearing.
And we can begin to trust that our body knows how to keep us safe.
Boundaries are not about distance; they’re about connection that honors both people’s humanity.
When you can feel your edges, you can finally meet others from the fullness of who you are.
Ready to Reconnect with Your Body?
If you find it hard to say no, feel your own needs, or stay grounded in relationships, somatic therapy can help you rebuild safety from the inside out. Together, we’ll explore what your nervous system needs to feel supported, connected, and whole.
If you’re curious about working together, reach out to schedule a consultation.
